I have been lying(ish) about my name. For years now, I have told people that my name is Rafa (Rafa), and that is half true. My name is actually Rafa (Hafa). This is because I am Brasilian and Portuguese does this funny thing to Rs; they sound like H most of the time. So Raul is Haul, Rachel is Haquel, and Rafael is Hafael.

When I was a tiny little boy I used to tell everybody that my name was Hafa, but I stopped for some reason. Maybe it was because THIS IS AMERICA WE SPEAK AMERICAN [EAGLE NOISE] [FREEDOM NOISE], maybe because I got so used to other names that I stopped being able to distinguish between them, or because everybody seemed to have a hard time with it. When I talk to Hafa knowers they sound like my parents talking about they/them pronouns, “I just don’t get it. I was taught that R was R and nothing else, and then you start telling me that R can be H. I am not saying it’s wrong, I am just saying I don’t get it. Kids these days.” For some reason, this is almost as incomprehensible as banana on cake for the American mind.

Whatever the case is I miss ‘errh.’ Being Rafa is cool and all but something about Hafa is awesome, epic, and cool. It makes me feel just a bit more Brasilian. So, next time you see me, call me Hafa, Hafael, Hafinha. I really don’t care just respect the ‘errh.’

Also ‘errh’ isn’t the only silly Brasil thing I’ve slipped into this blog. Did you know that in Brasil, Brasil is spelled with an s? It doesn’t change how it is said, but it is just a silly little difference. Another goofy thing is that the name Raul (Haul) has its own idiom in Brasil. If you are “calling Raul” (chamar o Raul), you are throwing up. As a “stupid American” I like to think of wolves calling to the moon when I think of Haul. The last thing is that Rachael isn’t a name in Brasil, it is actually Raquel (Haquel).

I have oodles of ideas about what I want to be when I grow up. My dream jobs, some might say. Dreams are the final goal. Throughout my upcoming life, I plan to have smaller goals to help me achieve these dreams. I think I am ambitious, so these jobs might seem pretty far out of reach, but with enough grit, I think I’ll be able to get at least one. But without further ado… here are some of the ideal lives I’ve always wanted to live.

Icelandic Wine Vitner- I would live in the lush green hills of Iceland with my sheep and vineyards. My main source of income would of course be the wine, but I would make my own sheep cheese for my family.

Archaeologist in Egypt- I would work in the pyramids of Giza, diving deeper into the ancient culture of the Egyptians.

Chocolate Tester for Lindt- I love chocolate, so eating it for work would be a dream. I would live in Paris in a top-floor apartment and also work in the bakery below me, selling baguettes to local old ladies.

Food Culture Documentary Film Maker- Traveling the world and eating food. Enough said.

Jobless Hiking the Rocky Mountains- Van life is a good life. I’d appreciate the nature the earth gave us and live off the grid.

Park Ranger in Redwoods National Park- Redwoods are the most beautiful trees. And I love to hike.

Purple Gatorade Spokesman- I’ve had current attempts to be one. Purple Gatorade is amazing in every aspect. So wherever Gatorade headquarters are I’d work and continue to promote purple Gatorade to everyone in the world.

Sommelier-  I find it very impressive that people can tell what wine is from just by the smell of it. I aspire to be like them. A talent unmatched.

Now remember all of these are dreams, goals in life that I wish to even have a taste of. Now who knows if in 20 years I will be one of these. I know for sure if I become famous I will be mentioning the Shaker Writing Center Blogs for helping me write down my dreams on paper.