My Christmas Tradition by Nolwenn Chemali

Every year, my family has a very elaborate Christmas Eve agenda.

We all wake up at around 5:30 am and drink our coffee while enjoying a nice chat with the five of us: my mom, dad, brother, sister, and me.

After coffee, we embark on a 6-mile run at the metro parks. This is where we have the chance to bond from the trauma of actually running. After running, we make a Christmas Eve brunch at home with the prepped lobster made the night before to make lobster rolls. My mom makes the best lobster rolls.

After brunch, the time comes to wrap the rest of our presents. This takes my brother a  bit more time than the others; it’s not his forte. Once the presents are secured, we start the at-home escape room that my dad organizes for our family. I don’t know how he changes the narrative of the escape room each year. He must be a genius. Last year, it led us to the attic, then the roof, and then escaping by jumping off the roof onto an inflatable mattress. It wasn’t the softest possible option, but it worked. Everyone was okay, although I almost ended up rolling into the empty pool. I can’t wait to see what he comes up with this year.

Once we make it out alive safely, we all get ready for Christmas Eve mass. This calms us down a bit after the crazy festivities from earlier. After mass comes dinner. We normally like to enjoy a nice, tranquil dinner in an exquisite restaurant. My dad knows a guy.

And with all of that, the day comes to a close with staying up until midnight while doing karaoke. We don’t sing Christmas songs. We sing 90s hip-hop.

I cannot wait to see how the day unfolds this year.

I also forgot to mention that none of that was true.

A Review By Addison Weingart

I had the best meal of my entire life. Immediately after I finished inhaling everything on my plate, I googled Guy Fieri’s address, so I could send him this letter,

” Guy Fieri,

Though I applaud your years of hard work, you must retire. There is no need anymore for Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives; Guy’s Grocery Games; Guy’s Ranch Kitchen; Guy’s Ultimate Game Night; Guy’s Grocery Games; or any other part of the Guy Franchise. I have found it. The perfect meal. there is no need to search. So be free!

Your trusted Food Consoir,

A.W.

P.S. How much money do you have? Driving around America to different food locations. Gas! In this Economy?!?”

I sent similar copies to Gordon Ramsey, Bobby Flay, and Rachel Ray. Also that guy from Tik Tok who makes the crazy chocolate sculptures.

Following my trip to the mailbox, I sat down and started to rethink the Global Economy. There will be no need for exported food goods after the discovery of this meal. All the chefs in the world might as well be unemployed if this meal exists. In fact, turn the entire Midwest into Dollywood, we don’t need agriculture.

When Greek Mythology describes the ambrosia of the Gods, I think of this. Chat GPT couldn’t even conjure up a meal so delicious. Melt in your mouth delicious, ending-world hunger scrumdiddlyumptious. I descend the astro-plane to food heaven at the pure sight of the plate. The word yummy is arbitrary in comparison to the divinity of this meal.

Thank You Hawaiian Rolls.

 

Unresolutions by Praslin Arth

Every year like most other people I create a list of New Years resolutions that I am committed to complete throughout the new year. Yet, without fail, I complete almost none of them. This year I had an ambitious list of resolutions which I will share so we can all wallow in my failure together. 

1)Consistently go to the gym

I didn’t actually get a gym membership until November.

2)Increase endurance

I still get winded walking up to the third floor.

3)Read 40 books

It’s December and I’m not even at 30 books

4)Read Priory and the Fallen Night

still sitting on my bookshelf

5)Read the Poppy War trilogy

against my friend’s hopes I have not even picked these up

6)Get a job

I actually did get a job

7)Finish Gilmore Girls

I made it to the last season and gave up

8)Finish Criminal Minds

I got like halfway

9)Stop biting lips

I forgot I was trying to stop

10)Improve hair health

I bleached it all in August

11)Read Lord of the Rings

 I touched the books…and moved them to a different pile

In reflection, I met 1 goal of 11, but I know that even that harsh truth won’t stop me from making just as ambitious resolutions for this new year.

Origin of Santa Mouse by Cami Blaszak

Ever since I was little, it was my job to place Santa Mouse. Santa Mouse is a small fake mouse that is put in the depths of our tree. On the night of  December 23 Santa Mouse leaves gifts (scratch-offs and jewelry) for me and my sisters to wake up to and find hidden in our tree on Christmas Eve morning. I do not know how Santa Mouse became a Blaszak Christmas tradition, but I am going to attempt to tell an origin story of the famous Santa Mouse

Liam the Mouse trekked through the snow, trying to find shelter from the cold, harsh North Pole winters. He looks high and low for anywhere he could stay! Liam the Mouse spent days trudging tirelessly, but then, he heard bells. At first, they sounded distant, but in mere seconds he heard them right behind him! At that very instant, a Sleigh with 8 reindeer flew past him. It took Liam the Mouse a moment to get over the fact he just saw a flying sleigh pulled by reindeer, to finally realize that the person in the sleigh must be going to their home, their warm snow-less home. So Liam the Mouse took all of his energy to run after to sleigh, he couldn’t lose sight of it! After what seemed like hours, the said home was in Liam the Mouse’s eyesight. Overwhelmed with relief, he made his way up to the building, smelling ginger seeping from the open chimney. He had to get inside.

Liam the Mouse burrowed himself deep, and dug under the wall until he found what looked like already-made mouse dens. This confused him, he had been alone his whole life, and now there might be more of his kind?? He ran each tunnel up and down, left and right, backward and forwards to look for other mice, and then finally he saw a sliver of light. He scurried his way other to it. and there it was. Right in front of him was a trunk, he looked up and saw the green pine covered in white lights and red balls hanging on the branches. He started to climb the tree. and he climbed and climbed until he saw a single mouse perched on a branch in the middle of the tree, he was munching on a piece of corn. Liam the Mouse’s stomach grumbled. the mouse on perched pointed upward and before Liam the Mouse could say anything, the other mouse ran down the tree, out of sight. Liam the Mouse climbed hoping to find more mice. Before he knew it, he was looking up at a whole family of mice eating corn. Not only was he away from the cold, but he now wasn’t alone! They greeted him and welcomed him into what they called Santa’s Place. Liam the Mouse learned from them that Santa Claus was a human who gave gifts to children on the “Nice List”.

Liam the Mouse was intrigued. He wanted to see the big man himself. He sat with the other mice, hearing stories about this so called Santa Claus. Then one night when Liam the Mouse was tired of eating corn, he decided to explore. He ran down the tree and looked around the room he was in. The only light was a fire burning in a fireplace, he admired the flames as they engulfed the wood. He was so distracted by the fire and he didn’t notice someone sneaking up behind him. “Ho Ho Ho” Liam the Mouse, startled, looked up, and to his surprise was the Santa Claus all the other mice told him about. Santa Claus bent down, and stuck out his hand, Liam the Mouse hesitated, then reluctantly jumped onto his palm. They started to move and then Liam the mouse was placed on a block of cheese. He picked up a piece and was so ready to eat it, when suddenly he offered the cheese to Santa Claus. Santa Claus gratefully took the piece of cheese, chuckled at the size of it between his fingers, and popped it in his mouth. Right as Liam the mouse was about to leave, Santa Claus pulled a little hat out of his chest pocket, and placed it on Liam the Mouse’s head and said “I’ve seen you and the others in my tree,” he paused and took a look at Liam the Mouse’s scared face, “I was wondering if you could be my helper”.

So that’s how Santa Mouse became a thing! Liam the Mouse showed friendship, kindness and giving to Santa Claus. All the mice live in houses acting as spies to report good doings to Santa Claus. So if you see a mice scurry across your floor on December 23, leave out a piece of cheese, and hope Santa Mouse brings gifts on Christmas Eve.

Evelyn’s Rambles About Books by Evelyn Rossman

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a passionate book nerd. Back in elementary school, it was probably the one thing that everyone knew about me. Luckily, I’m past that phase, but books are still an integral part of my life. The world can be scary and confusing, and being able to absorb myself into somebody else’s world has always been a comfort for me. Today, I wanted to write about a few of my favorite books. This ordeal can be compared to choosing your favorite child, so these will be in no particular order.

“Babel” by R.F. Kuang
I’m starting off strong with one of my favorite authors. While I would recommend reading any of her books, this one holds a very special place in my heart, because it was my first book of hers that I read. It follows Robin Swift, a young Chinese man who was adopted by an English professor and brought to the Book of Oxford to study Translation. This book combines fantasy, linguistics, and Chinese history into a beautifully intelligent book with intriguing characters and an exciting plot. I promise you, you won’t be disappointed.

“The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath” by Sylvia Plath, obviously
Ok so technically this book might not qualify for this list because I technically haven’t finished it, but if anyone has seen the size of that book they’ll understand. I have read about half of it, and I am absolutely in love. Sylvia Plath’s words are so real and honest, and I truly relate to many of her experiences and thoughts. She details her struggles with college, relationships, writing, and trying to find her place in the world, and I am enraptured by all of it. One day, I will finish the second half, but for now, I will proudly pledge my allegiance to the first half of Plath’s brilliant journals.

“I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jennette McCurdy
This book, I promise you, was not overhyped by the internet; it deserves every ounce of praise it has been given. Jennette McCurdy chronicles her life from a child star forced into the spotlight by her mother, to a teenager struggling with grief, alcoholism, and an eating disorder, to the self-reflective and recovered person that she is today. She tells her story in a very raw and honest way and it can sometimes get very dark, but she manages to throw in some ironically funny moments. This book is an emotional rollercoaster that chronicles the unlikely success of this amazing woman.

The Skulduggery Pleasant series by Derek Landy
This one is going to seem a bit absurd but BEAR WITH ME PLEASE. This series is one of the few that I’ve successfully been able to finish and for good reason. You could say that it’s ridiculous that I’m reading a book series made for middle schoolers about a 12-year-old girl who befriends a magic-wielding skeleton detective, but something about this series is just so incredible that I will never stop being obsessed with it. This book combines action, mystery, and humor into a thrilling series that never fails to entertain me. Not only that, but the books are consistently good throughout the whole series, which is pretty impressive. Also, they’re set in Ireland, and I have to keep up my Irish pride. If you want an entertaining, fast-paced, and kind of strange read, I would recommend this series 100 times over.

“Sadie” by Courtney Summers
I have no idea why this book isn’t more popular. This intriguing mystery follows a girl named Sadie who has run away from home to avenge her young sister, who was murdered. The book is told from two perspectives: from Sadie as she searches for her sister’s killer, and from a podcast of a man who is searching for her. I read this in seventh grade, which was probably a bit too young but that’s another story, and I have been obsessed ever since. Just read this book. Do it.

I’m a Junior in High School and I am NOT Ready by Heath Thompson

Time passing concept Royalty Free Vector Image

I looked over at my confidant and companion Zara and remarked that we are graduating next year. First and foremost, I’m sure every senior reading this is rolling their eyes thinking, “How young and naive he is”. I want it to be known that my heart goes out to every graduating student this year and I can’t wait for you all to do great things.

Now that the old people are satiated, I’m sure all my fellow juniors understand the fear lurking in the back of all of our minds this year. We have to go on college visits, we’re writing college essays in our L&L classes, it’s like the future is now. And I’m not sure I feel ready yet.

I still think back to my freshman year (When the bell was still a bell and when 8 periods existed) and how much time I thought I had. I distinctly remember my first ever day at SHHS and the first person I met. I didn’t know how A lunch worked, so I believed that you get your lunch and then you take it and eat it in your class. Why did I think this? Well, my brother had told me, “A lunch just means you get your lunch and THEN go to class” and I misinterpreted this. But, I took my crappy fries and my crappy burger through the halls and into the large auditorium where my class was supposed to be. I wasn’t stopped, wasn’t questioned, not a word was said to me. So, I sat in the back of the auditorium wondering where the rest of my Jr. Ensemble class was and why I was the only one eating lunch in class. I heard the bell ring and that’s when I knew that I had it completely backwards (Don’t ask why it took me so long to realize this.) Of course, since A lunch was now over, my peers would join me in class, right? Yes, but first, I had to meet the man who I didn’t expect to become such a prevalent part of my high school career. Mr. Sumerak is by no means an imposing man, but when he entered the auditorium and looked at me confused, I must admit I was a little confused and somewhat worried.

He looked at me questioningly and said, “What are you doing here???”

I replied, “I’m here for Jr. Ensemble, I just thought we were supposed to eat lunch”

He then squinted at me for a solid second and let me know where to throw away my trash. Fast forward to now, I’ve known this guy for almost three years, met his wife and kids, and have spent multiple shows working with him. That’s not even mentioning my other freshman year teachers. Shout-out to Ms. Doersen, Mr. Glasier, Ms. Mazzie, Mr. Routh, Mr. Readance, Ms. Mercier, and Mr. Rodems!!!!

Anyways, the concept of time passing has been filling my mind and the feeling of running out of time has been eating me alive. Thank you for enjoying my rant.

(Another) One of My Favorite Studies by Meredith Stevenson

I am back with another study! This one deals with schema theory and stereotypes.

For some background information, schema theory argues that we organize information in our minds by subconsciously creating categories. Now, how do schema theory and stereotypes connect? One way to explain how stereotypes are formed is to use the claims of schema theory. One of the primary functions of schemas is to allow us to make generalizations about people, places, and things. Making these generalizations makes it easier to understand and make sense of the new information we process. This includes making generalizations about groups of people. Therefore, schema theory can explain the forming of stereotypes by arguing that we naturally categorize people into groups and thus we make generalizations about the characteristics of those groups so that it makes it less cognitively demanding to think about the individuals we meet on a daily basis.

The aim of Cohen et al (1981) was to investigate the effects of stereotypes on memory and schematic processing. In the study, 96 college students were presented with a videotape showing a woman having dinner with her husband. Half of the participants were told that the woman was a waitress while the other half were told that she was a librarian. The results were that participants who were told she was a waitress remembered her drinking beer and participants who thought that she was a librarian remembered that she was wearing glasses and listening to classical music. The results showed that participants were more likely to remember schema-consistent information, supporting the idea that schemas and stereotypes are connected.

A Survival Guide to Local Shows by Ezra Ellenbogen

Hiram-Maxim (on this day, briefly known as Hiram Cat-xim) at Happy Dog

There’s a certain kind of show I love to go to. I don’t have a name for them yet, but they’re usually less than $20, hosted in a dive bar or some other small venue, and have multiple bands playing fast, loud, and heavy music. The crowds are always great too – and if you’re into moshing, then these kinds of shows are where you’ll find the best pits. But it can be hard to get to know all of the unwritten rules of etiquette for these shows, lest outing yourself as a complete and utter poser (Don’t worry too much though, people are nice).

  1. Don’t Say “Concert” – It’s always a “gig” or a “show.” Don’t ask me why.
  2. Don’t Wear the Band’s T-Shirt – If the band is playing, you’re not supposed to wear their merch. Otherwise, you’ll get weird looks.
  3. Compliment Someone’s Band Shirt – Ninety percent of conversations at local gigs start with a comment on someone’s band shirt. “Oh, I saw Godflesh in Detroit,” yada, yada, yada. That’s how you make friends at these shows.
  4. Don’t Show Up on Time – For big concerts, with popular bands, you have to show up around or before when the doors open, but for small gigs, you can really get away with arriving right when the music starts. Most bands are loud enough that you’ll be able to hear them already when you’re buying the ticket.
  5. Show Up on Time – OK, sometimes you should show up on time, especially if the flyer says “No Punk Time.”
  6. Ask a Punk – Speaking of flyers, you might often see the phrase “Ask a Punk” on them. This just means that the address isn’t very public – maybe it’s not even on Google Maps. In these cases, it is actually pretty easy to find where things are happening. You can look up the venue name, or, as these kinds of flyers like to suggest, ask someone who’s “in the know.”
  7. Don’t Horseshoe – To quote Sunny Singh (aka hate5six): “Horseshoes are the single greatest threat facing hardcore today.” What’s a horseshoe? Well, it’s when people gather around the stage in a pattern that specifically leaves a semicircle of space open between the ‘stage’ and the rest of the crowd. That space is open for the mosh pit. That’s the idea, at least. But it scares people away from the stage, and a show with everyone packed in is always more fun, and always has a better pit.
  8. Don’t Crowdkill Too Much – OK, another vocab word – sorry! Crowdkilling is hitting people outside of the pit while moshing. It’s usually accidental. But sometimes it can be a way people try to get people to join the pit. A lot of times it’s just mean. Think before you crowdkill!
  9. Follow Any and All Instagram Pages – How do you find local shows? Follow the IG pages of every local venue and band you can find. They’ll post about them.
  10. BRING CASH!!! – This is possibly the most important thing to remember. Usually, tickets and merch at these kinds of shows can only be bought with cash or through Venmo/Cashapp. If you come with just a card or Apple Pay, you won’t have much fun (because you won’t get in!).

The Much-Needed Biography of Wilfrid Voynich by Sam Juli

After five years of penal labor, his punishment for a failed attempt to rescue two Polish revolutionaries from the Warsaw Citadel, Wilfrid Voynich (born Michał Habdank-Wojnicz) escaped from a Siberian prison camp near Irkutsk. After five months of travel and dodging Russian police, Voynich made it to London, where the ex-pharmacist-turned-revolutionary continued his work against the Russian Tsar with the Society of Friends of Russian Freedom. But after his co-conspirator’s untimely death in a freak train accident, the son of a Polish-Lithuanian noble family put down his arms to become—you guessed it!—a seller of antique books.

The life of Wilfrid Voynich was absolutely insane. Born in 1865 in present-day Lithuania, under what was then the Russian Empire, Voynich studied chemistry at Moscow University and graduated to become a pharmacist. But at the age of 20, living in Poland, Voynich joined the Polish socialist revolutionary organization Proletariat. Just one year later, his revolutionary fervor led him to attempt to break Piotr Bardowski and Stanisław Kunicki, other members of the Proletariat, out of the Warsaw Citadel, a historic Polish prison. The prison break did not go as planned, and Voynich was sentenced to hard labor in a middle-of-nowhere Russian village. In his time there, Voynich learned eighteen languages—so I guess it wasn’t all bad? You know the rest: he escaped, got to London, fought against the tsarist autocracy, retired, and became a collector and salesperson of antique books at the urging of Richard Garnett, a curator for the British Museum.

This guy just keeps getting weirder and weirder, and we haven’t even gotten to the FBI investigation on him yet!
Anyway, in 1898, Voynich opened a bookstore in Soho Square in London, and his unexplainably good luck led him to discover all manner of rare books. He was married, was naturalized as a British citizen, and was generally having a pretty good life. That was until 1912, when all the stored-up weirdness of the last, mostly normal decade came back to get him. Voynich was in Italy, visiting the Villa Mondragone, a sixteenth-century papal summer home from where the Gregorian calendar was first popularized. The villa had fallen on hard times, and to raise money the monks who worked there began secretly selling their antiques. Voynich bought thirty manuscripts at this sale, one of which would soon become world-famous! This two hundred and forty page book, now called the Voynich Manuscript, was made from fourteen full cow skins and is written in a completely unique and unintelligible language found nowhere else on Earth. The Voynich Manuscript is packed with botanical illustrations, cosmological charts, and notes on balneology (the strange study of using bathing to cure disease), but not a single word of the text has been deciphered, apart from one name written in invisible ink. This was obviously a big deal for Voynich, but for three years he kept the book mostly hidden before unveiling it to the public in 1915.

This was a very busy time for good old Wilfrid. He had recently opened a bookshop overseas in New York, where he relocated to at the start of World War 1. In 1917 he again upended his whole operation and moved to Piccadilly, in London, and it was in this establishment that the FBI caught up with him. Now Wilfrid hadn’t done anything wrong (that we know of, apart from those two eensy-weensy prison breaks), but the United States Bureau of Investigation had received two separate tips that he was a potential threat to national security, so they had to investigate. It may be relevant to note that the FBI technically didn’t exist yet. It was still acting as the Bureau of Investigation (BOI) at this point in Voynich’s life, and would only be rebranded, complete with a total merch overhaul, after his death.

But anyway, the BOI caught wind of a rumor circulating about Voynich that had started at a Chicago dinner party hosted by the Head Librarian of the Northwestern University Library, Walter Lichtenstein. Voynich, proud of his possession of a famous Bacon Cypher (it’s not what it sounds like), boasted that the copy he had was also being worked on by the US War Department. This cipher was of no importance to national security whatsoever, but a misunderstanding resulting from Voynich’s claim prompted the BOI to open an investigation on him on the premise that he was somehow in possession of an American War Department cipher, which would have been a major national security risk, especially during World War 1. The extensive investigations of the BOI and a civilian vigilante justice organization that secretly searched his offices amounted to nothing, however, because the crime he was accused of committing literally never happened.

In 1930, at the age of 64, Wilfrid Voynich died of lung cancer in a New York hospital, presumably surrounded by loved ones, antique books, Russian revolutionaries, his pharmacist classmates, and disguised government agents. We can only hope that Wilfrid Voynich passed peacefully, because if his restless ghost is out there, then it is sure that his shenanigans will continue.

My Losing Streak by Zara Troupe

Before we start, this isn’t about losing games – none of the sports I play are currently in season. This is about the objects I’ve lost. But first, a story…

For my 15th birthday, my parents got me this silver butterfly necklace with purple gems. That’s the story by the way, have we put two and two together? Yes? Great, cause I lost the necklace. I was rushing out of the house one morning so I put the necklace in my pocket so I could put it on when I got in the car. Of course, I had a nose bleed not long after we pulled out of the driveway and I forgot about the necklace in my pocket. The nose bleed, being unexpected, resulted in me getting blood on my pants. Thankfully, my dad was home, so he was able to bring me a pair to change into. I put the bloody pants in my locker, and went back to class. Fast forward to around 5pm. I’m at rehearsal (this all happened the Monday of tech week for Mean Girls) and I realize I don’t have my necklace. However, I couldn’t leave rehearsal, and the gates to get to my locker were probably closed. So I brush it off and tell myself that the necklace is in those pants, and everything will be fine. Everything was in fact not fine. I’d lost my necklace. In school. It’s a pretty necklace. It’s an expensive necklace. It’s been about 3 weeks since I lost it. I doubt I’m getting this necklace back.

On the bright side, I’m able to not stress about the necklace so much anymore. Why, you ask? I lost my phone too. I lost my phone on the 29th of November. I lost my phone at school as well. And of course, I still don’t have it. I think I’m taking it pretty well though (she said as her eye was twitching and her hair was falling out). I’m more upset about having lost the stuff that was in the back of my phone case. It was a clear case, and inside I had a playing card I got last year in Latin, a Totoro sticker on top of said card, and an extra gum wrapper heart. I loved the stuff in my case, I loved my phone too. I also lost everything I had in my notes app, and I’m devastated. I lost all of my poetry, and all of my play worldbuilding and prewriting. I lost my college research, and my IA and EE brainstorming. I lost my TBR, my book rants, and the list of books I’ve read over the years. This is quite devastating, I know. Wish me luck!!