Do you ever just wonder what your pet would say if they could actually speak English? To me, it always feels like my dog’s trying to speak to me and he understands what I am saying, but I just can’t understand him. But here’s what I think he’s saying when he’s trying to communicate with me:

1. “Give me attention.” – First of all, when I picture my dog, I kind of picture him like a three year old who just really wants your attention. He may be seven years old, but if he wants attention he’s going to get it. In the evenings, if I’m just sitting on the couch reading or watching TV, he’s going to jump right up onto the couch and nudge at my arm with his paw until I pet him. And if you don’t pet him right away, he’s just going to keep pawing until you do.
2. “I don’t understand why I have to eat dog food when I could literally just eat human food.” – Does anyone else think that their dog thinks he or she’s a human? I genuinely think my dog thinks that he’s one of us. I have caught him on multiple occasions drinking out of my cup of water. Also, if I don’t push in my chair at the dining room table and I have my dinner sitting right there, he will jump up into the chair and eat it. I mean, I don’t blame him for his favorite foods being mashed potatoes, carrots and goldfish. But, that’s besides the point.
3. “Don’t bother me, I want to sleep.” – My dog has a LOT of energy, but he will sleep ALL day like he has had the most tiring week of his life. You know not to mess with him when he’s all curled up in one of his various napping spots. 
4. “How come squirrels can climb up trees and I can’t?” – My dog always lays in his same spot on the couch in our house. He looks out of our large living room window and just waits. He watches the mailman go by, families walking their dogs and squirrels climbing up trees. I always wonder what he’s thinking when he looks out of that window, because he seems to spend most of each day just sitting there. I’m sure he’s thinking of so many things, but I know the idea that if squirrels can climb up trees, he should be able to as well, is definitely one of them.
5. “Can we go outside? I want to go outside!” – I feel like there’s nobody more curious than my dog. Aside from just determining what we’re saying and tricking us into giving him more treats, he loves the outdoors! Every time we go on a walk, he wants to lead the way like he’s leading us on some big adventure. He will stop at every house to smell their flowers and spend hours in our backyard just laying in the sun. If we take him on a hike, he will run through the trail like it’s an obstacle course. 

     It’s always so funny to me whenever he tilts his head if he hears someone talking, like he’s really trying to comprehend what they’re saying. Who knows what he’s thinking, but I’m sure whatever it is, if he could speak to us in English he would have a lot to say.

The bright, sensual sunlight seeps through the pores in my curtains as I stretch my arms above my head, grateful to have woken up. Squirrels chattering, petals floating, and notes of lavender accompany me as I slip off my bed, brush my fingers through my hair, and grab my tiny red dinosaur to take with me to breakfast. As I glide down the stairs, I take in a deep breath of aromas: syrupy-sweet pancakes mixed with warm blueberries and milk, such a magnificent start to my day.

Sitting down, I begin to plate my serving of breakfast, marrying it with a soft spoonful of reddish-golden marmalade. My minuscule, wooden set of utensils finds my hands, and I commit to slicing the pancakes into tiny, little bite-sized pieces, perfect to bring to my rosy lips, quenching the foreshadowing of hunger my stomach so passionately wards off. The delicious taste of sugar meets my tongue and I have no trouble at all savoring this sweet moment. 

I hear the front door nervously open. “Good morning!” I mouth, as the sure stature in front of me smiles gently, finishing up a phone call. He strolls toward the living room so as not to bother me. I sip the last drop of milk out of my lilac glass and stand up violently, beginning to clear the table as an obedient daughter does. The body follows me into the kitchen. During the time it takes me to rinse off my plate, open the dishwasher, and cleanse my hands, I admire the gray-toned cap warming the man’s head, and his crinkled, compassionate eyes. He places his hand on my shoulder, and I step in for a hug, sensing his gentle comfort. 

As I ascend the sparkling staircase that lends me to my room, a warm sensation wraps around my left leg, making its way toward my right. I reach down and caress the comfort that now sits to my side. Arriving in my own personal sanctuary, the warmth’s counterpart scampers across my bed sheets, openly welcoming my presence in a way that renders passion. The yin and yang handed down to me from my elder compose such a blazing force in my home. I enter my closet and select certain articles, those that make me feel comfortable, confident, and harrowingly fashionable, and begin to pull the individual pieces over my arms, legs, and neck. I drag the wand of mascara across my eyelashes, enhancing the wispy length already asserted. Almost finished, I listen to the harmonious sound from just outside the door. 

Opening the door to my childhood, the body lovingly bows her head under the flick of my hand. I appreciate the absolute wonder she brings to my eye, and the softness of her just-brushed coat. She begins bellowing out a melody, congruent to that of a broken piano. As the sound grows louder, harmonious chimes accompany my confusion. Suddenly, ear-splitting pulses catapult me as the ground beneath my feet rips into a motionless abyss.

With a start, my eyes rush open and I take in my surroundings. I am tucked safely in my bed. I make sense of the absurdity I have just woken up from, reminiscing my memories past. Dreams, however good or bad, are a mere temporary aspect of life.

        These past two weeks, as I hear the echoes of sniffles and sneezes in classrooms and crackling lungs in the hallways, I find myself coming down with something much worse. The symptoms include the inability to get out of bed, headaches, possible nausea (when looking at anything school-related), and chronic absenteeism. I panicked at the first arrival of these symptoms, wondering what on earth could make me completely stop doing my homework, yearn to sleep through every period of the day, and doom scroll on my phone the minute I get home. Suddenly one day it hit me: I had an early onset case of incurable and terminal Senioritis. 

        While this is a topic widely talked about amongst seniors of all kinds, the lasting effects of this terrible disease are not commonly reported. Most often, Senioritis is characterized as something many outgoing 12th-graders start getting at the end of the year as classes wind down and post-high school plans approach rapidly. However, this year it seems that many students are feeling the symptoms much earlier, and are subsequently paying the price. 

        Since the second quarter began, I have seen a steady and terrifying drop in my grades in almost every class. In fairness to myself, this drop pretty closely aligns with the classes I have missed due to the inability to wake up by alarm or dropping into a feverish sleep in the middle of sixth period. My grades will be fine (I hope) as my last-minute, end-of-the-quarter cram sessions usually pan out okay, but researchers have yet to see what the effects of Senioritis will be on this usual plan.

        For my fellow seniors experiencing the early onset of this disease, please know you are not alone. A fellow student has reported their symptoms as a “lack of motivation, and driving around until it becomes too late to consider doing homework.” Another classmate says, “I’ve almost resorted to ChatGPT for all my assignments, the only thing stopping me is my morals.”

        As I mentioned earlier, reports say that Senioritis is, sadly, incurable. For now, we seniors must push through with the little effort we have left in our bodies and find joy in the small and fleeting experiences of high school in our last few months here. For all my seniors; rest your brains and minds, take an L on an assignment here and there, and savor the time left here with your friends. Getting through the rest of this year is important, but doing it as restful and fun as possible is imperative.

Starting in 2024, the College Football Playoff contains twelve teams instead of four. The four teams are awarded a bye, and eight teams play in the first round. After the first four teams are eliminated, the remaining teams advance to the quarterfinals. Then, the field narrows down to the semifinalists, finalists, and eventually champion. 

A panel of thirteen experts decide which teams qualify, and it seems intuitive that the twelve highest ranked teams would qualify and the top four teams would get a first round bye. However, neither of these assumptions are correct, and the true system is much more… complicated.

First things first, ranking is NOT the same as seeding. Every week, the CFP selection committee will release their ranking of the top 25 college football teams. The seeding in the College Football Playoff is determined by more than just ranking, so the number seven ranked team will likely not be the 7th seed in the playoff.

The top four seeds, and the teams that get a first round bye, will go to the four highest ranked conference champions, regardless of their rank. Likely, the highest ranked conference champions will be the winners of the Big-10, Big-12, SEC, and ACC. The winners of these conferences could be ranked significantly lower than other teams that are seeded lower than them. But, as conference winners, their seeding is 1-4. 

The eight teams ranked 5-12 are determined in a slightly simpler manner. They are strictly decided by ranking, with one exception. The fifth highest ranked conference winner, which will be from a Group of 5 conference, is guaranteed admission into the playoff. Their seeding is not guaranteed, however, and will be coordinated with their ranking. In summary, the 5-12 seeds are determined by the next seven highest ranked teams, and the fifth highest ranked conference winner, and are all seeded in coordination to their rank.

This College Football Playoff is shaping up to be one for the history books. Let’s just hope all the fans are able to follow along! 

“What’s the deal with airline food?” said the comedian. This terrible lead-in to an equally unremarkable joke is a stellar example of what makes some jokes just plain bad. “What makes it bad?” I hear you asking. Well, it’s because you don’t get it. Admit it, you have ZERO clue what the deal is with airline food. You probably don’t even remember the last time you had airline food. You don’t understand if the joke is about the quality of the food or the packaging of the food; for all you know it could be about the people serving the food! The only way this joke makes sense is if it’s explained.

To answer the most important question—”What is the joke about?”—it’s a commentary on the quality of the food served on standard commercial airplanes. This joke allegedly originated from Jerry Seinfeld, who would often lead into jokes with “What’s the deal with…” This was funny at his time. However, with our current scientific advancements, that commentary no longer holds much weight.

Traditionally the comedian would segue this question into a corny punchline like “It tastes like cardboard” or “It’s trying to hijack our stomachs and take us to the bathroom” (This last one is a very real and very concerning punchline). These jokes have proven to not be quite as accurate though, due to scientific research. Firstly, just because something tastes bad, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to force your body into a vegetative state inside of a bathroom. Secondly, it’s not the food’s fault that it tastes bad. It’s yours. According to Russ Brown, director of In-flight Dining & Retail at American Airlines, “Taste buds and sense of smell are the first things to go at 30,000 feet. Flavour is a combination of both, and our perception of saltiness and sweetness drop when inside a pressurized cabin.” The reason your fries taste unsalted, Samantha, is because you ate them too close to the Heavens. You shouldn’t have taunted God by trying to eat at his dining room table. This–coupled with the fact that the food is cooked on the ground and then stored on the plane–means that it’s also not fresh. But you didn’t pay for a restaurant; you paid for economy seats on Spirit Airlines to visit your grandma because her birthday is coming up. It’s not “What’s up with airline food?”, it‘s “What’s up with you?”

Now that you understand the joke, is it funny? Now that you understand the truth behind this comedic attempt, did you chuckle? No, you didn’t. Because now that you know the truth, now that the wool has been yanked from your eyes and you have seen the light, you see that the joke was never funny. It didn’t make sense out of context, it didn’t have a good punchline, it wasn’t even factually correct. Imagine how many poor chefs have lost their jobs because airlines were being told their food was trash, when in reality YOU were the problem the whole time. Are you proud of yourself for the pain that you caused? For the jobs that have been lost because of your sick, sadistic satire? Quit asking “What’s the deal with airline food?” and start asking “What’s the deal with me?” Thank you.

As the weather gets colder, finding things to tire your pets out is harder and harder. Enrichment is extremely important for pets, especially high-energy ones. Enrichment provides the positive stimulation necessary for the animal’s mental and physical health. Pets that aren’t getting enough enrichment tend to express their frustration in unsavory ways. Boredom can lead to destructive or undesirable behavior. This could entail digging or chewing, getting into the trash, or even having accidents in the house. A pet getting the proper enrichment is happy and relaxed, and they are typically less likely to act out and are more receptive to behavior modification when needed. It also lowers stress and anxiety levels. I hope to make getting your pets the mental stimulation they need a little easier, so here are some activities you can do with your animals!

1. Blowing Bubbles 🫧

Bubbles are a great way to mentally stimulate your pets, both indoors and outside! Bubbles can provide something interesting and new for your cats and dogs. Moving bubbles will stimulate the animals’ minds, and the adventurous pet will pop them! If you worry about your pets eating them and getting sick, they make edible and non-toxic bubbles that your pets can safely ingest!

 2. DogTV

This may sound silly, but there is a television program made for dogs. It features calming visuals and sounds, perfect for keeping them engaged and relaxed. It provides mental stimulation and a sense of companionship, reducing feelings of loneliness and boredom. The programs on DogTV are designed to play at a frame rate that your dog can see. According to studies, dogs aren’t able to see all normal TV shows. Though it says it’s for dogs, you could use this for cats as well!

3. Cardboard Tube Puzzle

You can make a simple puzzle feeder from a paper towel tube! Cut random holes in the tube, add some treats to the tube, and press in the ends to close. Covering the tube with paper and twisting the paper ends adds extra challenge. This is a great way to keep your dog busy from the comfort of your own home. It keeps them busy for a good chunk of time. This mental stimulation gets them tired much quicker than physical exercise.

4. Easy Scent Games 

As we know, dogs and cats have a fantastic sense of smell. They can find lost people, locate land mines, and even diagnose cancer. Scent games allow animals to use their instinctive skill. Using their nose makes them have to think and concentrate. Scent games are fun for dogs, and do not over-stimulate them. A few minutes of a calming scent game can help a dog relax. Each game only takes a few minutes. You can do most of these inside and outside!

• Seek and Find – Randomly toss treats or kibble onto grass, snow, leaves, the floor, or on to a blanket on the dog’s bed, and let the dog sniff and search. The challenge is greater when the treats are not easily visible, requiring him to use his nose.
• Scent Trail –  Lay out a trail of tiny treats, Hansel and Gretel style. This game may be played inside or outside and in any size space. Some treats may be placed on a bench, around a tree, up on a branch, on the bumper of your car, around the perimeter of a room, or under a couch cushion. Use your imagination. A jackpot (a small pile of treats) should be placed at the trail’s end.

5. Cereal and Egg Carton Puzzles

Animals, especially dogs, enjoy tearing things up. For this activity, you can scatter treats in the box or carton, throw some paper towels in there, and let your dog or cat tear around to find them! This allows the pet to use its mind and nose simultaneously. You may think this will encourage destruction, but it doesn’t! If an animal has a variety of appropriate activities to channel their energy, they will not destroy household objects.

6. Car Rides 

Car rides are more than just a fun outing–they offer incredible enrichment opportunities for our pets, specifically dogs. Car rides are a symphony of new smells, sights, and sounds. Every mile brings a new scene rushing past the window, and every breeze carries a mix of fascinating scents. It’s like an all-you-can-sniff buffet of sensory stimulation! The sensory stimulation during car rides keeps your dog’s mind alert and engaged. They’re constantly processing new information, which is excellent for their cognitive health. It helps to keep their minds sharp and agile, reducing the risk of cognitive decline as they age. Car rides also offer a form of physical activity. While they may not be running or jumping, the excitement of the ride gets their heart rate up. It’s not a substitute for regular exercise, but it’s a nice bonus!

Here are some photos of my dog getting his enrichment:

When it comes to seasons, everyone has a personal favorite. Each one brings its own argument, but there are distinct reasons why one might rise above the others. My personal ranking from best to worst is summer, winter, fall, spring.

1. Summer 

Summer is the season that, regardless of if it is your favorite, we all look forward to. It’s a time of warmth, freedom, and vacation. Whether it’s spending time on a beach, by the pool, or simply just long days with friends and family, summer has an unbeatable charm. Here’s why it takes the first place spot.

Summer offers the longest days of the year. You can stay out late enjoying the sunlight and the outdoors, all while not having to worry about homework or studying for tests. Plus, sunlight stimulates the production of serotonin, allowing the majority of our summer days to be filled with good moods. Speaking of the sun, who doesn’t love a good tan? Coming back from a long day in the sun and relaxing is one of the best feelings. Summer vacations are the ultimate escape. It’s a time for travel, visiting new places, and being able to be present in the moment without any stress. Plus, traveling is typically easier in summer. Not only is the weather more predictable, but the season also aligns with vacation time for many people, meaning there are more options and opportunities for trips, from weekend getaways to international vacations.

2. Winter In my opinion, winter is often underestimated, and here’s why it is second on my list.

Winter is undeniably the season of holidays. They bring people joy and connection, whether it’s Christmas, New Year’s, or even just winter activities like looking at holiday lights. These celebrations create a sense of togetherness, nostalgia, and warmth. There’s a special kind of warmth in winter that comes from cozying up indoors with hot chocolate, blankets, and a good movie. The cold outdoors encourages you to slow down and savor the indoor comfort, making winter a time to rest and recharge, especially during the holiday season.

Snowfall transforms our surroundings into such a beautiful scene. There’s such a comforting stillness to the season; everything seems quieter and more peaceful, which gives it a unique charm. Crisp air, frosted trees, and holiday lights create a magical atmosphere that no other season has to offer.

However, in my opinion, it can’t be first on the list because the cold that winter brings, especially in Cleveland, can be brutal!

3. Fall

Although I enjoy fall, it honestly just feels like a transition season to me. In my mind, it just represents the anticipation of winter and the holidays. However, there are still a few things that I enjoy about fall, which held me back from putting it last.

Fall is visually stunning. The changing colors of the leaves create beautiful landscapes. Plus, the weather is ideal in fall; it’s not too hot, and not too cold. Fall is also the time when hoodies and sweaters make a return, which is my favorite part of the temperature dropping after summer.

That’s pretty much all I have to say about fall. I don’t hate it, but it’s just alright.

4. Spring 

This may be controversial, but I think spring is the worst season.

Spring is notoriously fickle. One day might be warm and sunny, lulling you into the thought of summer, and the next can be cold, rainy, or even snowy. The constant fluctuations between warm and cold can be very irritating. Plus, spring marks the peak of pollen season, and for many people, it means a relentless battle with allergies. Trees and flowers bloom, leading to sneezing, itchy eyes, congestion, and other symptoms. For those affected, this really overshadows the good things that the season has to offer.

The way I see it, spring often feels like an awkward in-between time, as the energy and momentum of summer seem so far away, but it’s not quite cozy enough to enjoy the winter calm anymore.

In honor of Thanksgiving being just around the corner, I thought I would give some consideration to everyone’s favorite Thanksgiving food: pie! This week, I’ll be ranking different flavors of pie I’ve tried.

1. Pumpkin Pie – 7/10: Pumpkin pie is a classic during fall, and you’ll often find it on your Thanksgiving table. While I love pumpkin-flavored foods, pumpkin pie is just a little bit too one-note for it to be ranked higher.

2. Apple Pie – 3/10: This is a highly unpopular opinion, but apple pie is kind of bad. It might just be because I don’t really like apples, but apple pie is one that I would avoid this Thanksgiving season.

3. Lemon Meringue Pie – 10/10: As someone who loves foods that are both sweet and tart, this one is really good! The lemon filling is balanced perfectly by the whipped meringue.

4. Strawberry Pie – 6/10: This is the perfect summer treat, and it’s great with some vanilla ice cream. One of the reasons it’s just an average pie is that it’s very messy, and in my opinion, the filling isn’t thick enough.

5. Key Lime Pie – 9/10: This is another sweet-and-sour pie, and it’s almost perfect! I love the graham cracker crust, but it’s not quite as good as lemon meringue pie, so I gave it a 9.

6. Blueberry Pie – 5/10: Blueberry pie is just ok. It’s not bad, but it’s not great either.

7. Chocolate Pie – 10/10: Chocolate pie is a little more uncommon, but it’s SO GOOD! I love chocolate in general, but even if you don’t, you might like this one. It’s normally made with chocolate mousse, which is lighter and airier than some of the other pie fillings, and it’s not as rich as normal chocolate.

Hopefully this was a helpful way to know which pies to try this Thanksgiving!

I know that this might be a controversial take, but in my personal opinion, dogs are way better pets than cats. This is not to say that cats are not good pets, but they just are not as good as dogs. Having a dog myself, I am an expert on the topic. So, here are my reasons as to why dogs are the superior pets.

First of all, dogs are just so much friendlier than cats are. I can cuddle next to my dog all night and he would be so happy, whereas all of the cats that I’ve met look like they want to attack me whenever I pet them. I may have just found some unfriendly cats, but I have yet to meet a mean dog. Yes, my dog will bark at you if you walk up to our house, but I promise that the minute you step inside, the only thing he will care about is if you will pet him and if you have food for him. That is just so much nicer than a cat who stares you down every time you walk into a house.

Also, think of all of the places that you can explore with your dog. Even if you just go on a walk after school every day, dogs can help you keep up with your exercise, because they need it as well. You can explore new places and parks that cats would never be able to go to. They can be your travel buddy, hiking partner, swimming friend, and anything else that you want to do with them.

Additionally, dogs can have practical uses. They can be used for medical purposes to help people who need them. And maybe I just haven’t done my research, but I have yet to find a cat that does these same things. So obviously from this we can deduce that dogs are clearly smarter than cats because they are capable of having jobs that cats do not have. They are here to fit your every need and help you in whatever way that they can.

Finally, dogs come in so many different sizes and breeds. You have your travel-sized dogs, your average dogs, and you also have your extra-large dogs. And cats just come in one size: small. So think of all of the different possibilities that you have when you get a dog. You can have a dog that fits all of your needs because of all of the different shapes and sizes they come in.

For these reasons, we can clearly see that dogs are the better pets to have than cats. They can be suitable to your family and your own personal needs, whatever those may be. You can take them with you wherever you go (as long as you don’t fly), and they can explore the world with you. This is not to say that I do not like cats, because I don’t hate them. I just believe that dogs are so much better.

There are a lot of words that exist in non-English languages that do not have a direct English translation. We can define them with sentences, but they cannot be simplified to a single English word. Here are some of my favorites:

Saudade

This Portuguese word refers to “a longing or nostalgia for something you may never have experienced, or may never experience again.” Although Google Translate simply defines it as “longing,” the actual meaning holds more complexity. It involves a mixture of love and loss and specifically refers to the desire for something that does not or cannot exist.

Hygge

Commonly known as the Danish mantra, this word refers to the comfort and coziness one feels when spending time with close friends and loved ones. The concept involves taking time away from the daily rush of work and stress to be with people you care about and relax. The word is also often associated with winter, as people find themselves in the comfort of their warm homes, sharing meals, while it is cold and snowy outside.

Lézarder

This French word describes the act of basking in the sun and soaking up its warmth. It refers to the way lizards sit on rocks in the sun to warm themselves up. Although the word “basking” is a good enough translation, I feel like “lézarder” really captures the feeling of peacefulness that comes from lying in the sun.

Backpfeifengesicht

When I came across this one, the first thing I humorously thought was “Of course this word is German.” The direct translation means a face that is begging to be punched or slapped. Although it’s a somewhat violent definition, I’m sure we’ve all been around someone with a slappable face before. When someone’s being smug or arrogant, sometimes all you want is for them to be humbled and/or silenced.

There are so many more words that describe feelings, phenomena, and experiences that do not exist in English. However, a lot of them are hard to pronounce in English, making it difficult for English speakers to use them. Although all of these words can be described, wouldn’t it be more fun if we just had English words for them?