You’ve, uh, probably heard of my dad.

Mr. Juli is sort of a big name around SHHS, but despite me saying, “Hi Dad,” instead of “Hello Mr. Juli, Principal, sir,” people are still surprised when they figure out my connection to the principal. Like, come on guys, there are only three people in Shaker Heights with the last name Juli! (If there are any more of you out there, lay low until the next family reunion. We’ll see each other soon.) But when my classmates inevitably discover my noble bloodline, I always suffer a barrage of questions. So here are some of my favorites:

“Can you tell your dad to play___ between classes?”

I wish. My opinion about the passing music aligns with most of the student body. Believe me, just because I’ve been raised on it doesn’t mean it hurts me any less. The one that goes “good morning, lalalala, good morning” (you know the one!) plays constantly in my head, and it is all his fault.

“Can you give us a snow day?”

If only. In the future, please direct all snow day complaints directly to my secretary, who will set up an appointment for us to discuss how my ice-wizard training is progressing and when, if ever, I will be able to summon snowstorms. I’m really working on it.

“Is Mr. Juli really your dad?”

Do you really think I’m the type of person to legally change my last name just so I can pretend to be the child of the principal? Okay, maybe I am. But I promise I’m not lying. About this. Maybe. Next question.

“Can you tell your dad that if he keeps letting us out of lunch early I’ll challenge him to a lightsaber duel on the roof of the school?”

True story. I wasn’t totally clear on what this question actually meant, but when the duel happens, I’ll be there on the bleachers, cheering it on and eating popcorn.

“Is today odd or even?”

Though the SHHS block schedule personally joins us for dinner two nights a week and is basically a member of my family, I am just as confused by it as you all are. The schedule is really sweet once you get to know it, and is more receptive to open-ended questions. Instead of saying, “Is today odd or even?” try asking, “Hey schedule! Which classes would you like to attend today?” These little things go a long way in helping a weird little schedule like ours grow into the beautiful schedule we know it can become.

I fully expect to need to update this list eventually, as it is far from comprehensive, but these are a few of the greatest hits. Thanks for reading, and if you see me in the halls, please try to keep yourself from asking me anything.