As of today, I have about 496 notes in the app on my phone.

Realistically, it’s probably less because of the many floating around with no real content in them. Nonetheless, each word and each note is so incredibly invaluable to me because I’ve documented my life experiences and identity within this little yellow, black and white app since I was 13-years-old. Everything from my to-do list to the dream I had on February 3rd, 2018 to the complex processes of my mental health disorders is contained behind the icon on my screen, which makes it feel so a part of me. It’s the way we can see a physical human standing in front of us and yet they carry an unfathomable amount of intangible thoughts and a life lived within themselves. Of course, I’m not only a naive idealist – I realize an app is just an app and icons are just icons – but symbolism, complex, intricate, amazing themes are the beauty of life. I believe my notes app is beautiful and, for me personally, it’s one of the greatest, most important facets of this symbolism idea I’ve found.

All of this is to say, out of the 496 pieces of me that exist in my Notes app, one of my favorites is my list of quotes. It’s titled quotes (inspired by anna) because surprisingly, this note didn’t exist before she told me about her list. I realized it was a vital part of my writing engagement and self-identity – I didn’t understand how I never saw it before. I have such a strong appreciation for the thoughts and words, yet it wasn’t until after I started the note my sophomore year that I found some mental safety in all the puzzle pieces being clicked together. Here I bring to you a sample of these thoughts and words, from every possible medium they could exist: characters in books, movies, shows, musical artists and composers written songs, real people I’m with daily, even strangers I’ve eavesdropped on. They are all typed in lowercase, just as they are when I typed them, and I leave them without their meaning to me because they stand alone in their own artfulness – happy reading…

 

“anger is just fear turned inwards” angela montenegro, michaela conlin bones, szn 1

 

“oh, i wish i loved you like i miss you” camila, all these years 1:05

 

“here in the dark corners of my mind i feel a strang relief. i am always welcome here in my loneliness, in my sadness in this abyss, there is a rhythm i remember.” ella (mafi) restore me

 

“and maybe in some masochistic way i kind of find it all exciting. like, which lover will i get today, will you walk me to the door or send me home crying” olivia, 1 step forward, 3 steps back 1:12

 

“bro if you died i would be like rip jaimee….she was a real one” owen jan 2, 2k22

 

“i am in the receipt of your electronic mail dated the 14th april and duly impressed by the shakespearean nature of your tragedy. everyone in this tale has a rock-solid hamartia; hers, that she is so sick; yours, that you are so well. were you better or she sicker than the stars would not be so terribly crossed, but it is the nature of stars to cross and never was shakespear more wrong than when he had cassius note ‘the fault, dear brutus, is not in our stars/but in ourselves.'” tifios, peter van houten (green), pg 11

 

“that’s the choice. i love him, with all that, because of all that. on purpose. i love him on purpose.” alex (mcquiston), red white and royal blue, pg 344

 

“his eyes burned like hazel stars” (maas), acosf, pg 385

 

“you find god where you find him, or her” dan malthroupe, cleveland city club

 

“the single story creates stereotypes and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete” chimamanda ngozi adichie, tedx

 

“off topic but: what a slut time is. she screws everybody.” hazel grace (green), tfios

 

“nothing in this life will ever make sense to me but i can’t help but try to collect the change and hope its enough to pay for our mistakes.” juliette (mafi), pg 327

 

“she had always been drawn to the untamed wild things of the world.” (maas), acofas,

 

“hi, i don’t even know where to start when it comes to you.” owen

 

“i will find you again in the next world, the next life, and we will have that time i promise.” cassian (maas), acowar

 

“if you’re he sickness, i suppose you can’t also be the cure.” carden (black), queen of nothing\

 

“to the stars who listen – and the dreams that are answered.” rhysand (maas), acomaf, pg 249