It’s Valentine’s Day. You’re single. I’m single. So, let’s get excited and enjoy a day of self-care with no responsibilities for anyone except yourself. Relax, it’s not going to be like last year, with its last-minute runs to the store for chocolate, gifts, and roses for your ex who won’t even remember them after the fact!
- February is National Heart Month. Take care of your heart and hit the gym, not only to look better but also to help your body manage atherosclerosis, or the buildup of fatty material on the inner walls of your blood vessels. After all that candy and crying over How Harry Met Sally, you deserve it! Studies have shown that even thirty minutes on a treadmill from mid to high intensity can lower cholesterol levels and reduce the risk for obesity and the presence of stress-induced symptoms.
- Kick back with a face mask. It’s the middle of the month, so don’t splurge on a professional facial now. Thank me later when you have the facilities to get one on the 22nd of February and the end-of-month broke blues kick in, big man! Face masks are lots of fun. And good for your face. Unless they’re sheet masks. In that case, just don’t use them, please. They’re overpriced and falsely-advertised panaceas, and you’re better off going for a clay mask from Whole Foods or a homemade honey mask straight from the kitchen. If you still want a sheet mask, make your own as I roll my eyes at you.
- Nail polish contains toluene, formaldehyde, and dibutyl phthalate. The first looks like the head and neck of a dismembered virus topped with a methyl group. The second calls to mind a warning sign for radioactivity. Dibutyl phthalate makes me think of a flying bat…and, by default, rabies. Not good. No one wants products used as paint thinners, cross-linking agents (PROTEIN MURDERERS!), or plasticizers on their body, even if it’s just their nails! Opt for less chemically noxious nail polish brands like Orly, RMS, and Sundays. While they might cost more, they are better not only for your general health but also the environment.
- Start spring cleaning early, and do it with family! It’s never too late to begin yelling over vacuum cleaners even when you’re zen, listening to your dad tsk over your stash of sugary energy drink cans in your room, and fighting with the rest of the family over which Air Wick scent you should buy for the living room! Sometimes, it’s good to go with what you know best and keep it classic. Spend time being productive with family and friends, checking off something important on your annual communal bucket list.
- Buy discount candy at your local Walgreens with friends on the 15th of February. If you don’t have a sweet tooth like me, just chomp down a pack of white cheddar cheeto puffs in a bubble bath with your favorite song playing on repeat. That reminds me of the fact that I have yet to get a Spotify premium account; nonetheless, my advice still stands.
- Listen to single ladies even if you’re not a lady. Or single.