Chronicles of a Plant Killer by Aaliyah Williams

If I could wish to be endowed with one thing, one new talent in particular, I’d wish for a green thumb. House plants are like little friends that you take care of, like pets that just sit and smile towards the sun all day. I’ve tried a few times to keep a plant in my room, but aside from the one successful attempt to keep a tiny flower pot (which bloomed, actually, but with yucky smelling flowers that filled the entire second floor of my house with their fragrance), I’ve never actually been able to grow a plant.

I’m proud to announce that once someone trusted me to water their plants while they were away on vacation! The woman had heard about me through the Onaway mom grapevine, and my status as the premier babysitter of Onaway-going children had earned me the community trust needed to water someone’s plants. Of course, it was a bit of a disaster; Shaker Heights was hit with that terrible heat wave that always drives people inside, right around the beginning of July where temperatures everyday hit somewhere around 95 °F. The family suggested I stop by once or twice a week to water the plants, but I ended up needing to come by everyday just to keep the plants from dying. In the end, I over-watered some mint plants and under-watered some hanging flowers, but all the plants were more or less alive when the family came back from vacation (which I was extraordinarily proud of).

If I’m lucky, I might fall asleep and wake up tomorrow as Poison Ivy, being able to grow, healthy, thriving plants anytime I choose (and walk around in a little green leotard made of leaves). For now though, I think that the plant community might benefit if I stopped attempting to cultivate a garden with such little gardening talent–I’m going to stick with kids and dogs instead.

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