Heath Debunks: Animal Sounds by Heath Thompson

Hi, I’m the Heath Thompson, and I’ll be debunking animal sounds in the flagship installment of “Heath Debunks”.

 

As young children in America we were gifted onomatopoeia words to describe the sounds we heard in the world around us. Maybe the “wooshing” of the wind or the  “BAM” as a bad guy takes a right hook to the jaw. All of these sounds are fairly accurate representations of the sounds they’re masquerading as; but what of animal mimicry? When was the last time a dog made any sound reminiscent of “bark”? Or the last time a snake held the letter “s” longer than any other animal? I raise you my theory: An early attempt to understand animal languages, coupled with really bad ancient jokes.

 

People have been obsessed with knowing stuff since the dawn of time, and they want every other human to know that they know stuff; why else would there be titles for studying for more years than someone else? People want to know so much of everything that they’ll try to learn the impossible, or just create their own answers. This can be seen with the misconception of dog’s communication as “barking”. I believe that some random ancient man saw wild dogs in the forest and saw them making sounds at trees (as dogs do). This would lead him to believe they were communicating about said tree and attempting to relay a description to their fellow canine companions. He also thought that it’d allow for many funny puns, given that this ancient individual had no friends (and given he likes to watch wild dogs in the forest, no one’s at fault but him.

 

In terms of snakes, the origin of them holding the sound of the consonant “s” is either religious or guesswork.

  1. After the Garden of Eden, God cursed the snakes to talk really slow. While the untrained human ear would simply hear hissing, those who pay close attention can hear the first vowel slowly coming from the snake.
  2. Snakes hiss when threatened and therefore must really like the letter s? While the logic isn’t sound, it’s in the right spot morally I feel. I agree with it from an ethical standpoint.

 

All this to say, animal sounds are a lie and are all made up. I believe they should be changed immediately for the better education of our youths.

Dogs should say: “Arhgfh”

And Snakes should say: “Tshshshsssssss” (I know, there’s a lot of s, I know it’s hypocritical, I’d like to see you do one better)

 

Thank you and goodnight.

The ACT in Review by Zara Troupe

2/10 would not recommend, and neither would I wish to do it again. 

 

English – 75 questions to be answered in 45 minutes. Not to brag, but I finished with about 17 minutes left. It may or may not be my downfall, but I do think I managed to do pretty well. Overall, English was pretty chill. I finished with a good amount of time left to sit and think about I don’t even remember. 

 

Math – 60 questions in 60 minutes. Let me tell you this, I am not good at math. At all. I finished with literally 90 seconds left on the clock after I reviewed my answers, and half of them I guessed. To reiterate, math is not my best subject. But on the bright side, I can confidently say I correctly answered… I have no clue, maybe I guessed on all of them. I truly feel like I forgot basic math (kidding – I think at least).

 

Break – I had a whopping 15 minutes to get all of my tears out 😀

 

Reading – 40 questions in 35 minutes. I went into this section thinking “I think I did well on the English section, how bad could reading be?” I was so naive, I ran out of time. AHHHHHH!! I did answer all of the questions though, I just didn’t have time to review my answers. It’s unfortunate, but at least I did it. At this point I was so out of it and desperately wanted to go home, but there was a whole other section.

 

Science – 40 questions in 35 minutes (yet again). I ran out of time AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! Anyways, I did answer all of the questions, I just didn’t get to review my answers AGAINNN. I ran into the same problem as I did in the reading section, but I was even more brain dead at this point. 

 

You see, I struggle with multiple choice. I don’t know why, it’s just something that never really went how I wanted it to. This is actually one of the reasons I’m an IB student, to avoid multiple choice tests. Of course I knew that I would still have to take the SAT and ACT, but I forgot how much I would struggle because the last multiple choice test I took was my AP Bio exam. So, I would just like to say; I HATE STANDARDIZED TESTS. Thank you for your time.

 

My Secret Double Life by Cami Blaszak

As many of you may not know, I used to be a theater kid. From 3rd grade to 8th, I had a great deal of roles, ranging from jitterbug 5 in Wizard of Oz to Elsa in Frozen. I am here to rank each part based on three categories: costumes, songs, and dancing. 

Wizard of Oz: Jitterbug

In 3rd grade, I was a jitterbug in the Wizard of Oz. But Cami, what is a jitterbug? Exactly, even I do not know. But I did get to wear cool socks and a cape. Costume: 10, Songs: 5, Dancing: 3

Chasing Fame: Dolly Direction 

An aid at Mercer wrote this show for our school. I got a solo and taped a stop light to my shirt. My song was very repetitive and I couldn’t even recall it for you because I kept on forgetting the lines when I was up on stage. Costume: 7, Song: 7, Dancing: 0 (I just stood there and blinded myself with the spotlight).

Annie: Maid

All I recall from this is that I was dusting the same corner for 15 min.

Costume: 4, Song: 2, Dancing: 1

Little Mermaid: Sea Creature

I was some type of fish, and I got to run down the aisle. I know all the words to Under the Sea. (don’t ask me to sing it).  Costume: 7, Song: 6 Dancing: 8

Lion King: Nala

Shane Williams and I singing Can you Feel the Love Tonight is iconic to me. 

Costume: 5, Songs: 8, Dancing: 3

Catch me If you Can: Flight Attendant

When I auditioned I thought it was about magicians, you know the movie Now You See Me. I got them confused. This was my first older kid show, so I had a fun time with my PanAm pin.

Costume: 5, Songs: 3, Dancing: 5

Honk: (I forget)

I HATED THIS SO MUCH I HAD TO PERFORM WITH A FEVER AND THE DIRECTOR WAS SO MEAN. But I did get to eat bread on stage…

Costume: 2, Songs: 0, Dancing: 0

High School Musical: Gabriela

Like they say “I can’t dance… i know you can ” but no i really couldn’t dance. I was called out in front of everyone because I couldn’t do the We’re All in this Together dance. Otherwise, my  first lead role was honestly super fun. 

Costume:4 Songs:9 Dancing:1 (for effort)

Frozen: Elsa

This was when the company I performed with started going downhill. I had a cool rip off dress for my BIG costume change. But I had no wig and I have brown hair, Elsa has bright blonde hair. 

Costume: 9 (minus point for hair) Song: 7 (I despise Let it Go now). Dancing: 4

 

And now I am theater-less. Covid wiped out a lot of things including my theater days. Tech week, you will be missed. Thank you five!

 

Chicken Tacos by Chloe Khayat

On Monday night, I was home alone and was left to fend for myself for dinner. While I would usually jump at the chance to get takeout, I could not stop craving the chicken tacos my dad makes. I decided to be ambitious and try to make them myself. I mean, how hard can it be?

I went to the grocery store and located all the ingredients, adding jalapenos, lettuce, shredded cheddar cheese, taco seasoning, and chicken thighs to my cart. I checked out, headed home, and unpacked the groceries. Then I rolled up my sleeves, lay down the cutting board, and acquired my sharpest knife.

However, my confidence quickly diminished when I realized I had accidentally bought chicken that still had skin and bones. I was horrified. I felt like a surgeon, using a scalpel to cut around the bone, trying to save as much of the meat as possible. After 20 minutes, my hands were slimy, and chicken guts were everywhere. The experience was almost enough to turn me vegetarian.

But I was in too deep to give up. I turned on the stove, put oil in the pan, seasoned the chicken, and placed it in the pan. While it was cooking, I diced up some onions. After 5 minutes, I flipped the chicken and got out the rest of my ingredients. I added in the onions and the packet of taco seasoning, as well a third a cup of water. As I let that sit for a bit on low heat, I got started setting the table.

At this point, I was absolutely exhausted and a little nervous that my effort would not be worth the reward. Nonetheless, I took the chicken off the stove and shredded it. Then I got to building my taco. I piled on the chicken and added some shredded lettuce, jalapenos, and a heap of cheese.

While they didn’t taste exactly like the ones my dad makes, they were pretty decent and kept me full the rest of the night. Were they worth all the time it took to debone the chicken, cook it, and then do all the dishes? Maybe not, but that’s okay.

 

Trader Joe’s: A Test of Will By Praslin Arth

I have faced many challenges in my life, but one will forever go down in history as the most overwhelming, challenging and dangerous task I have ever conquered…Trader Joe’s. I used to hold happy memories of the grocery store from when I was a child and me and my brother would scour the walls to find the hidden monkey and were rewarded with delicious lollipops or stickers. But I know now that that’s simply a front. A distraction curated by the evil masterminds behind Trader Joe’s to keep children ignorant of the true nature of the store.

As I grew up, I traveled to the wretched place less and less until it had been years since I last entered the store and then they finally lured me back. My mother sent me on an errand with a list of groceries I needed to collect and because fate decided, I must brave the isles of Trader Joe’s. They put a bookstore right by it, and I simply could not resist the beautiful bait of a new book before returning home. So I made the naive decision to shop at Trader Joe’s.

The large glass doors opened up to reveal the chaos hidden behind the walls of the store. People crowded every corner, children screamed, giant carts full of food were strewn about precariously and there I stood a needle in the haystack of produce with no time to retreat from my mission. I began in the cheese section wedging my way between bodies to snag the pepper-jack I needed. Then I zig-zagged my way through cart after cart collecting the other assorted items needed for dinner. Basket in hand I pushed my way through to the check out lines to mind my hardest challenge of all…the waiting. I am not famous for being patient and I knew immediately that not a single line would be under half an hour with at least four people in each pushing carts FULL of food, I was done for. I fought for my life to keep my place in line and plan my escape route for when I was finally able to leave. Finally, it was my turn. I bagged with ample speed and rushed out of the store with my one paper bag in hand. At last I was in the safety of my car and right there I vowed that I would never return alone to Trader Joe’s. It was built for only the strongest of shoppers.

Bagels by Nolwenn Chemali

I am someone who loves to cook and bake. Give me any baked good and I will give you a kiss.

It was May 13th, the day of my dance show, but most importantly, the day before Mother’s Day. After my dance show, we came home at around 10:30 pm, and I felt quite spontaneous. I had been feeding my sourdough starter for the past few weeks, and it was looking fruitful and ready to be used. Then, my brain computed what I saw: the starter, a bowl, and table salt, and I came up with the brilliant idea of making bagels for a Mother’s Day brunch (or so I thought it was brilliant).

As I searched for recipes online, I couldn’t find one that did not say, “A stand mixer is the most important tool for this recipe.” I did not have a stand mixer on me, but I decided to try it. As I started kneading the dough, it was not looking good. The dough was shaggy, but I kept kneading and kneading. At this point, it was about 1 am, my arms were about to fall off, I still had my stage makeup on, and the dough was still so dry and tough. I decided to protect my sanity, and I let the dough do its thing while I covered it with a wet towel overnight.

The next morning, I woke up to the amazing surprise of seeing the dough looking exactly the same. No rise, no moisture, and looking as nonviable as the night before. I had pressure on me. It was Mother’s Day, and I needed to continue with my plan. After adding water and only making it worse, I was ready to throw away the dough. Until I came to the conclusion that dough is dough. Water and flour are going to make something, regardless of its form. I proceeded with the recipe instructions, and to my surprise, to my mother’s surprise, and to your surprise, the bagels turned out impeccable.

Maybe not the New York style I was expecting, but they tasted amazing, and I was proud of myself for not giving up. This was genuinely a pivotal moment for me. I learned not to give up on the things that are worth completing, and I hope this blog can shed some light on you today.

Toxic Relationship By Addison Weingart

This relationship is one-sided, all you do is take and never give. My hair is just dead ends, choppy and green from chlorine. No amount of lotion can replenish my cracked, dry skin. I can’t hear half the time because water is always in my ears. My joints are aching, my muscles are sore, and no matter how often I crack it, my back is stiff.  But I keep running back to you, Swimming.

I can’t remember how not to swim. Growing up I spent all my summers at the pool. From dusk to dawn, I soaked and swam, my fingers in a constant state of prune. Because I am quick to boredom, and I was already in the water 24/7, it was obvious to my parents to enroll me in club swimming. And thus, our toxic relationship was seeded.

I’ll admit, I was scared of commitment. I wanted to experiment and try new activities. Field Hockey caught my eye, and track seduced me away from the pool. But Swimming was envious and couldn’t handle the rejection. So when Middle School started, and I decided I would try Field Hockey, Swimming marinated its jealousy, waiting for a time to strike.

I joined my High School team, expecting it to be the same as always; a way to exercise and swim with my friends. I did not foresee the 5:45 AM practices, 4-6 PM, or extended doubles break schedule. Gone away were my winter break plans, I would be spending Christmas Eve in the pool. All the time I spent outside of swimming, was spent thinking about it. Will I be able to finish my homework after practice? What time is Swimming on Saturday, can I still go to the Movies? The amount of times I turned down trips to the mall, or Starbucks Yap Sessions because I had Swimming is uncountable. But what was I to do?

I can’t imagine life without Swimming. I met some of my best friends, and I got my job through it. I built life-long habits of rising early and values of determination and perseverance. I wouldn’t be who I am without Swimming. I hate the cold shock of the water at early-morning practices. But I love finishing tough workouts and walking out to my car to a beautiful sunrise.

Two days ago, I ended my Junior season with a bang. All winter, all I talked about was wanting for the season to end, wanting to quit, and how much I hated practices. So how come I already want you back?

Swimming, this is hard to say, but I will not pursue you in college. At that point, I think we will need to part ways. I’ll find comfort in optional lap swims, maybe in a life-guarding job. You will be in my heart forever, Love you.

P.S. You know I am gonna swim senior year.  I am not boutta quit 3/4 ways through. FINISH IT!

Odious Odes by Evelyn Rossman

Our SWC writing contest for Valentine’s Day, as most of you readers know, is to write an ode to a non-person. As an avid rhymer and lover of inanimate objects, I came up with a couple of ideas. I have decided to give you a collection of odes for different things that make me happy. Enjoy!

Matcha Lattes

People say you taste like grass,
And maybe they are right,
But I drink you before I go to class,
And you keep me going ‘til the night
You can drink your coffee, your latte, or your tea
But they will never mean so much as matcha does to me

My Wednesday Bath

For three long days, I work to the brink
At the final hour, it is difficult to think
You may ask me how I get through the day
How can I live with all work and no play?
But I just shake my head and laugh
For all that I need is my Wednesday bath
Every week, when the clock strikes nine
I have an experience that’s simply divine
The time to relax, time to refuel
As I sit comfortably in my big, warm pool

Dark Chocolate

This is somewhat of a controversial topic
But I must say that I love dark chocolate
Milk can be good at times I guess
I think white is gross, I must confess
But dark chocolate is delicious any time of the day
It brings me much joy, I must say
Rich, velvety, and bittersweet
That’s all I need to make me feel complete

My Escape by Meredith Stevenson

It’s a rainy Tuesday and all I want to do is leave school. I’m overheating from the broken AC and I’m pretty close to losing my mind. As I’m going through the day I keep telling myself, “Two more periods” or “One more period and I’m gone.” As I’m doing this, I start to think about my plans for when I get home. Usually, I make myself food and have my ‘enrichment time’ on my phone. So that was my plan, and at this time that’s all I’m looking forward to.

My enrichment time is a way for me to zen out after a long day at school. This is how I get through the day: I think about my enrichment time and how close I am to being there. But this day was a little different! It started when my friend Morgan wanted to go to Starbucks after school. I assumed this would mean I was driving there so I planned on driving when we got home from school. Plans changed when we got in our rides car, as she started talking about how she wanted a Starbucks refresher. That made me want a Starbucks refresher so we all agreed on the plan to go to Starbucks. As we were going there, I used my mobile app to place my order so it would be ready when we arrived. I got my usual drink (ice peach green tea lemonade) and then I started thinking about food.

Normally, I go for something small, like a cake pop, but today was different. I was HUNGRY; I needed something substantial. So I pondered my options for a bit and eventually decided to get a lunch item. I noticed that they still had their grilled cheese. I haven’t had their grilled cheese in a while so I decided that would be my food item for the order. As we were on our way to Starbucks, all I was thinking about is what this grilled cheese will taste like and if it’s gonna be as good as it used to be.

We eventually arrived at Starbucks, and to our liking, all of our items were already ready. So, we got our stuff and sat down to eat. As we sit down I open my grilled cheese and I notice it is very greasy. I’m not a big fan of that so my expectations for the sandwich were lowered. I took my first bite was proven wrong. This first bite was a moment of bliss. I had tasted flavors I never knew I could taste. I scarfed the grilled cheese down in about a millisecond because of how good it was. Morgan looked away and when she looked back I had finished my meal. The rest of the day was amazing solely because of how good this grilled cheese was. Now whenever I go to Starbucks, grilled cheese will always be in my order.

Towards a Hegelian-Lacanian Analysis of Meshes of the Afternoon by Ezra Ellenbogen

Meshes of the Afternoon is my favorite film, period. It’s a 14-minute dialogue-free experimental flic by Maya Deren centering around the dream state(s) of a woman (played by Maya herself) and her interactions with a man (Alexandr Hackenschmied), as well as a Death figure. You can watch it here with an amazing soundtrack by Maya Deren’s late husband Teiji Ito. 

My ideas about this film revolve around the way it reflects the theme of the Hegelian Dialectic of Recognition. In the “Lordship and Bondage” section of The Phenomenology of Spirit, German philosopher G. W. F. Hegel elaborates how humans can come to a sense of “absolute knowledge” through a process of coming to recognize each other. 

In this process, Hegel says one must come to recognize that the existence of their self-consciousness is entirely contained within and dependent on the self-consciousness of the Other (in the sense of individual others generalized) – this is overcoming the first ambiguity. Next, they come to realize that the Other’s self-consciousness is reciprocally contained and existent through the self-consciousness of their Other (of which you are a part). This is the overcoming of the second ambiguity. When this recognition is reciprocal, one is able to come to the ‘Notion of Recognition.’ Now, because this process involves the dissolution of the stability of one’s own self-consciousness and the dissolution of the stability of the Other’s self-consciousness, Hegel reiterates again and again, to the point of redundancy, that in Recognition (in a symbolic sense), “each aims at the destruction and death of the other.” 

As Maya enters her first dream state, she sees a Death figure walking down the street. Note that right at the beginning of the film, she was chasing Alexandr down the same sidewalk. This is the first parallel between the Death figure and Alexandr, but there are more: Alexandr, later in the film, places the poppy in Maya’s bed just as Death does, and then looks into the mirror, just as Death’s own face is a mirror. Thus, we can read the scene at the beginning as a parallel to the repeated scene of the Death figure walking down the street. 

It becomes clear that this parallel represents that Maya is pursuing intimate knowledge of the Other – in the specific sense of an Other, with Alexandr, and in general terms of pursuing a sense of being through Recognition. To do this, she chases after the Death figure, just as a participant in the process of mutual Recognition must aim at the destabilizing (death) of their own self-consciousness and the self-consciousness of the Other. In addition the continued use of the poppy suggests that, as a bloomed flower, it represents the completion of Recognition. In the first act of the parallel, Maya has the poppy (reflecting her responsibility in the first ambiguity), and in the second act, the figure of Death (the Other) has the poppy (reflecting the responsibility of the Other in the second ambiguity).

This is in a very important sense a reflection of the cycle of desire and lack, and this is especially signified by the imposition of Alexandr (an object of desire to Maya, as depicted in the somewhat intimate scene late in the movie) as a stand-in for the Death figure. In seeking Death (literally, the figure, and symbolically, in the process of Recognition), she is seeking love through recognition (from the Other, Alexandr). Her desire is characterized symbolically entirely by depictions of lack and failure to achieve (loss of self-control in the antigravity scene, failure to prevent the objects in her home from returning back to normal such as with the phone and the record player, failure of the Mayas to pick up the key in the three-Maya scene, etc.). As within the Lacanian structure of analysis, the process of desire invariably and fatally results in failure. 

From the dropping of the key (also a symbol of failure) from the beginning of the film, we are to understand Maya is aiming to return to some previous state in her life. Alexandr, who clearly shares a complicated relationship with Maya (note how she reacts to his intimacy), is perhaps what Maya needs to overcome to return to this state of comfort. The completion of Hegelian Recognition is perhaps the road to closure that Maya is seeking. That is to say that Maya is hoping to regain a sense of self and being-within-the-world that has ostensibly been lost after some traumatic event.

In this sense she is taking the step of recognition through the Other insofar as the Other is conceived in the general sense. She is, quite literally, negating the particular (Alexandr) to acquaint herself with the general (the Other) – since in order to know the Other she must first have a primitive sense of self-consciousness that she can seek the death of for the overcoming of the first ambiguity.

If Alexandr is preventing her closure, then overcoming him is the first step to allowing herself to achieve Recognition. In this process she is allowing herself the sense of freedom and self that she needs to complete the (via Lacan) impossible dialectic and thus to achieve the self-knowledge and sense of being she has sought. Thus, the key-turned-knife stands for the fact that a combination of both processes is the solution she seeks – she must seek death in the literal sense of the death of that which is holding her back from seeking death in the symbolic sense (as it is defined within the process of Recognition). 

You might be saying that this is a bit much for an analysis of the film. There certainly are a number of more literal elements that can be interpreted in this film. But there’s a lot to be seen in this more abstract analysis. The long and short of it is that Maya’s film represents finding your place in the world by getting rid of things holding you back from realizing yourself. By looking at the parallels between Maya’s symbolism and various theoretical understandings of being and desire, we are able to flesh out the implications and intricacies of this transformation within this film and within the same processes of self-realization in our own life.