I love planners. I spend hours on Instagram scrolling through pictures of perfectly color-coded planners with loopy calligraphy, practically drooling over my phone screen. I admit that the inside of my planner looks nothing like the ones on Instagram. My handwriting is unpredictable, I have never attempted calligraphy and don’t plan to. I envy the people who have the patience and artistic skill to decorate their planners. As much as I want to make my planner look like a Pinterest-ready masterpiece, I would only end up getting frustrated that my decorations don’t look the way I want them to. The planners on my Instagram feed are beautiful, but if I spent all that time trying to make my planner look like that, I would never get the tasks in said planner done.

My planner is my security blanket. When I’m overwhelmed with my workload, I immediately reach for my planner and start listing what I need to get done. I think it’s the consistency that I like about it. Writing down my assignments in silky gel pen gives me the sensation of control when I feel like I’m falling apart. Even if I don’t complete all of my assignments, it just makes me feel better to have a list. I’m not one of those people who has to log every second of their day in advance, although sometime I’d like to be. I write down just enough in my planner to make me feel organized. It’s what works for me and has continued to work for me all of high school.

My planner isn’t pretty and it’s not trying to be. I can appreciate the planners that dot my feed yet also appreciate my significantly less pretty planner for what it does for me. So for everyone out there with messy planners, this is for you.